Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
