I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
