Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
