Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
