This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
