ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
