idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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