i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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