some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
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