hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
