hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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