I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
