why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
