Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
