drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
