Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
