the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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