Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
