Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
