halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
