A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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