1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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