Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
