I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
