you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
