Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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