found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
