Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
