yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
