it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
