How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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