By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
