He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
