im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
