I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
