She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she smelled like a LAN party
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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