TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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