my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
