Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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