I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
