I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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