is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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