Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
