i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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