yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
