Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
