They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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