Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I AM VODKA MAN
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
