the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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