It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
