forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
