never play flip cup with pint glasses
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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