I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
