How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
