This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just had sex on a roof
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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