$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Operation Purity has been aborted
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
We smell like vodka and hangover
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