So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
